Surrender: An Ashfur Songfic
by Mysticstar
Summary: [pokes title] It says it all there. Ashfur's feelings for Squirrelflight are explained in this sad songfic. The song used is Surrender, by Billy Talent. Please R&R with comments and advise! :]


**Surrender; An Ashfur Songfic**

**This Songfic is about how Ashfur feels about all the drama in The New Prophecy. Everyone (including me!) believes he is the one Hawkfrost was talking about before Hawkfro****st died, at the end of Sunset; meaning that**** Ashfur betrayed his Clan. But let's get behind all that to the poor tom's feelings, shall we? XD**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. –****sniffsniff-**

* * *

_**She reads a book from across the street  
** **Waiting for someone that she'll never meet.**_

I watched the dark ginger she-cat , my eyes flashing as I saw her glare at a bramble-hued tom. But I could see something like longing in her leaf-green gaze. My tail lashed at the thought that she still wanted Brambleclaw to come back to her, to turn away from the evil we both knew he faced.

_**Talk over coffee for an hour or two  
** **She wonders why I'm always in a good mood.**_

But I plastered a good-natured smile on my maw and padded over. "Hey Squirrelflight," I purred, my pale gray fur gleaming in the sunlight. "How are you?" I asked, my ears perked as she turned her attention to me.

_**Killin' time before she struts her stuff  
** **She needs support, I've become the crutch.**_

She let out a heavy sigh before replying. "I'm okay. I'm happy that we found such a good place to live – this lake is wonderful," she smiled even though her eyes still glimmering with that strange emotion I couldn't quite place. "Do you want to go hunting?" she asked suddenly. I hesitated before nodding, hoping this patrol would be different from the others.

**_She'll never know how much she means to me.  
I play the game but I'm the referee._**

As we left camp together, walking so close our pelts almost touched – but not quite – I admired her once again. Her dark fur was gleaming in the bright New-Leaf sunlight. Her long tail flickering back and forth slowly, hypnotizing me if I let myself slip, which I often did. Her beautiful green eyes were bright and intelligent, twinkling playfully all the time. I scolded myself as I found myself staring; I knew she wasn't interested in me other than a good friend – and even that was a stretch. Was I really just a tool for her?

**_Surrender every word, every thought every sound.  
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown. _**

Her pelt rippled over lean muscles as Squirrelflight paused, gesturing for me to do the same. As I stopped beside her, she flickered her tail, her eyes trained on something at the base of a tree. I turned to look and saw a mouse. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Squirrelflight slip into a hunter's crouch and slink forward gracefully.

_**Surrender all the pain we've endured until now.  
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.  
Surrender yourself to me.**_

She had matured so much from the loud, clumsy apprentice she had been just a few moons ago. My dark eyes flashed and I looked away, hoping she didn't notice how I gazed at her so affectionately – but no need to worry. She never noticed. I wished she did; even just once for her to notice would have been bliss.

**_Even though I know what I'm lookin' for  
_** **_She's got a brick wall behind her door._ **

As she pounced and caught the mouse, I stepped forward with another happy grin on my maw. "Good catch!" I congratulated, nodding once. I wasn't sure if it'd be okay to say or do anything more.

**_I travel time and confess to her,  
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger._**

"Thanks!" she replied, smiling as she buried the mouse at the base of the tree. I watched her, wondering if it now was a good time . . . But Squirrelflight would not allow Brambleclaw to say an affectionate word even though she liked him a lot. Would she allow me to say anything? I didn't want to risk our relationship for the truth.

**_Surrender every word, every thought every sound.  
_****_Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown._ **

As we continued towards the lake, Squirrelflight nudged me playfully. "What's with you? You're so quiet today!" she exclaimed, blinking curiously. I was surprised to find myself frowning, deep in concentration. I quickly wiped the troubled frown off my maw, allowing a small smile to grace my lips.

**_Surrender all the pain we've endured until now.  
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.  
Surrender yourself to me._**

"I'm fine," I meowed, nudging her back. I pushed her a bit too hard and she stumbled over, crashing into a large-leafed fern. Shocked, I stood there for a moment, not knowing how Squirrelflight would react.Was she hurt?

**_I think I found a flower in a field of weeds  
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds_**

But when she laughed, I relaxed. Loud '_mrreows_' of laughter echoed through the peaceful forest air as I padded forward to help her up.

_**Searching until my hands bleed  
** **This flower don't belong to me. **_

I grabbed her scruff and dragged her forward, her body still shaking as she laughed. I backed away, watching her with amusement twinkling in my dark sapphire gaze. I couldn't bring myself to join her, sitting splayed out on the damp earth, laughing.

_**Searching until my hands bleed  
** **This flower don't belong to me. **_

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to see that she belonged with me. Because she really didn't belong with me. And while she couldn't see it, I was in pain because she truly loved Brambleclaw despite all her brawls and fights with the tom.

**_This flower don't belong to me.  
Why can't she belong to me?_**

Slowly, Squirrelflight's laughter died away though a spark of mirth still glinted in her pale eyes. I shook my head, still playing cool even though deep inside my feelings were in turmoil. "You're crazy," I meowed, cuffing her playfully over the ear. I wish I could have told her how I really felt.

**_Every word, every thought every sound.  
Every touch, every smile, every frown._**

We continued our hunt, catching several plump pieces of prey for ThunderClan. We chatted quietly but of nothing important though I longed to do so. To share my deepest secrets and thoughts with my best friend and the love of my life - and for her to do the same as well - would have been rewarding, in many different ways.

**_All the pain we've endured until now.  
All the hope that I lost you have found._**

Unfortunately, we were soon interrupted as we met Leafpool, who was out collecting herbs. The small tabby joined us on our patrols and we wandered through our territory together, her collecting herbs wherever they grew and Squirrelflight and I hunting. The two sisters spoke among themselves as I watched from the outside, feeling awkward.

_**Surrender every word, every thought every sound.  
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.  
Surrender all the pain we've endured until now.  
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.**_

Several moons had passed since that day though it was fresh in my mind. I remembered as, when we returned to camp, Squirrelflight bumped into Brambleclaw. They had a short, awkward conversation as I watched from the sidelines.

_**(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask  
** **(Surrender) has my moment come and passed.**_

What I had been worried about - wondering if_ it_ was true - was suddenly crystal clear in my mind. The glint in Brambleclaw's sharp amber eyes was the same as the one in Squirrelflight's. I flexed my claws, digging them deep into the sandy earth beneath me, glaring with dim energy in my dark eyes

_**(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask  
** **(Surrender) as my moment come and passed. **_

I wish I could have spoken to Squirrelflight when I had the chance. Even having her know how I feel would have been better than this. It had to be better – right? But I can only muse over the past now, going through my daily actions in the Clan without really noticing what I am doing.

_**(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask  
** **(Surrender) has my moment come and passed.**_

I hear the mews of small kits coming from the nursery. I glance over, my flecked gray fur rippling smoothly as I shift to gaze at the dim opening. Squirrelflight's newborn kits were healthy, as Leafpool had proudly pronounced just a few moments earlier. I feel terrible, depressed. I turn and trudge out of camp, my tail dragging in the sand. I think I hear my sister calling my name, confused, but I ignore Ferncloud.

_**(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask.**_

I had lost.


End file.
